hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
