The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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