he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
