Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
