You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
