Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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