that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
