You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize