No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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