no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
