feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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