i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
