Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
