dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
