You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
