My room smells like vodka and shame
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
i out mim tonsoeep
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