Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
