this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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