My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
