We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize
