I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
