So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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