Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
