So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
