Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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