I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
