Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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