is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
