your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
