forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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