Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
