tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
