I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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