Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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