One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
