My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
