After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So many bounce houses so little time
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
