I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
