How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
