I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize