i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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