you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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