The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
