Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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