You're completely useless in the revolution.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
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