He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
