She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
