O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
