hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
