was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
