You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
