I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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