Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
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