i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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