i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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