there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
