DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize