So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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