If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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