I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
