god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
