here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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