What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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