do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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