i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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