somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
