ugly people sure do ruin things
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
