I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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