omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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