I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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