Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize