She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
