Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
