Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
