we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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