Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
