He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
