Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
